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." I heard they called in some Dr. Oz wannabe. Total fucking loser." I told the nurse to let me know if anything changes. No offenseintended." Please. You sure you're OK?"What could I say? That I didn't feel bad or even upset? I had made mypeace with never seeing him again years ago. Now I was just angry atmyself for agreeing to review the charts. "Yeah, I'm fine. Justanother patient."I pushed through the doors and saw Stephen and Kara, his wife, sittingthere. Expectant. They teach you all kinds of shit in med school, butthere's no class in managing expectations. Or there is, but it's aboutmaintaining clinical distance. Which, as I looked at Stephen's face,wasn't an option. Since I was a little kid, 5 to his 7, I could tellwhat he was feeling just by looking in his eyes. Happy, sad, angry, allin his eyes. And what I saw far, abject fear, mixed with pain. "Hey,Steve. Hey, Kara," I offered.Kara took his hand and squeezed it, and looked in his eyes. She gavehim a little. * * * * * * * * * * * Half an hour later, showered and in clean clothes, I strolled through the chill evening to my favourite bistro. I had resisted the temptation to masturbate and my groin felt swollen and heavy. As I turned into the doorway I saw that there was a party of seven at the big table at the back of the restaurant. I sat in my usual booth and waved hello to Gustav the barman. The place wasn’t busy and he bought me a glass of wine without being asked. ‘Where’s Olga?’ I asked. ‘Day off?’ He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. ‘That’s her party over there. She’s leaving – going back to her village. Something to do with he mother being taken ill. We’re going to miss her, but family is family. It’s meant to be a leaving party with her friends but her fool of a boyfriend refused to come so she’s not at her best.’ Well, shit, I thought. ‘Gustav, take her a glass of whatever she’s drinking with my compliments. I’ll go over and say goodbye to her later.’ He went off and a moment.
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